T. has been letting me practice flogging and other types of impact play on him. (Maybe “letting” is the wrong term; I think it’s a mutually beneficial situation.) For the most part, I enjoy doing it — and the power rush from being the one wielding the flogger is *spectacular*— and T. definitely enjoyed it, but because I’m so new at topping, I have a hard time judging how hard/soft to hit, though I know that will improve with time and more scenes in which I top.

But I also have this little voice in my head that keeps insisting that I’m *hurting* T. (and not in a good way), and that I shouldn’t be doing this, that it’s wrong wrong wrong. He yelps and yowls, and I *know* that he wouldn’t hesitate to use his safeword, but my lizard brain still freaks out that I’m causing pain to someone else.

And yet — the domme part of my brain is *totally* getting off on it.